Post by The Mighty Mjaeder! on Nov 27, 2010 0:38:47 GMT -5
It was a beautiful fall day. The air was crisp, but refreshing, the sun was shining. Tokyo was a city coming to life again. The latest deluge of monster fueled violence and mayhem had settled down, the creatures both mysterious and terrifying had retreated back into the shadows. Work crews were busy at work repairing damage to the city’s more crucial structures, and the citizens of the great metropolis had emerged from their hiding, once again walking the streets, going about their business as usually, able for a brief moment of respite to forget the horrific reality that gripped their beloved city. Show of hands if you think this was an obvious mistake…
SCRRRRRRREEEEEEE-EEEEEEEEEEEEEECCCHHHH!!!!!
Workers polishing glass and steel to a mirror shine on a skyscraper that luckily had sustained only superficial damage in the brawl watched in Shock and Awe as the building they were nearly finished perfecting crashed violently to the ground in a heap of twisted steel (and sex appeal). Miraculously their scaffolding remained erect as the greater structure toppled down.
Like dominoes, another fell in its wake, and another, and another, all neighboring structures, though their collapse saw them fall at angles to one another. As a great cloud of dust and debris rose to obstruct the view of those citizens lucky enough to dodge free from the chaos, the sound of great twisting, shattering glass, and metallic strain echoed through the air whilst unknown forced molded and bent the fallen structures into a form more pleasing to the demented mind of its architect. As a shower of smoke and dust fell slowly to the ground, that form was revealed: A giant C.
And perched on a “chair” composed of the stumped remains of a fallen tower, Fearzilla sat regally behind his new anchor “desk,” a deeply disturbing (yet still ruggedly handsome) stretched across his hideous(ly beautiful) face.
“Nation…” the beast roared in a voice that sent fierce wind ripping through the city streets, “Welcome to the Colbert Fearport! And this is the THREAT DOWN! Jimmy?”
At Jimmy’s command (apparently… even monstrous freaks of science have interns, who knew?) seismic disturbances pulsed through the streets and lightning crackled across the sky in undulating waves, simulating the effects of a strobing* siren. Panicked citizens desperate to flee for their very lives found themselves unable to do so as the geological shakedown knocked them off their feet. The horrible clarion cry subsided as the beast one again prepared to speak.
“Threat number 5: Mebbles!”
A lifelike, three dimensional illusion of the draconic creature flashed across the sky, so lifelike some of the stunned onlookers gasped in renewed horror, momentarily convinced it was real.
“This bizarre creature traveled from a distant planet in a life sustaining bubble of unknown technology… So let’s take a look at that, shall we? From a different planet… Not from Earth… Has anyone seen is Green Card? That’s right, ladies and gentlemen, Meebles is an illegal alien! His kind have betrayed our borders, spat in the face of our sovereignty, and are here taking jobs away from good, hardworking Earth monsters! Well, It Getters, this is one threat will soon be dealt with, as I will crush this alien threat beneath a powerful boot of feary justice, then boot him out of our solar system! And once I do, it’s high time we build a fence around our planet! We need to secure our border! Don‘t worry about the cost, China will pay for it, they know we‘re good for it…”
The Meebles illusion exploded in a poof of smoke.
“Threat number 4: Ekhornkin!”
An illusion of the animalistic Ekhornkin skittered up a surveying skyscraper, and leapt from its roof top to another, bounding back and forth as Fearzilla spoke.
“This overgrown rodent thinks he can waltz in here and lay chaos to what decent, God fearing humanoid monsters were already laying chaos to! Well, Nation, God… and that’s Jesus. by the way, not Buddha, who we all know is a secret Muslim fronting for Islamic terrorists! … gave dominion over the animals to man! This is our planet, Ekhornkin! You’re just allowed to live here because your pelt makes our women even more alluring and your flesh is oh, so delicious… A fact I will gladly illustrate when I roast you alive, proving the inherent superiority of non-furred bipedal monsters, like God intended!”
The Ekhornkin image’s fur burned away and flesh singed a golden brown before fading from existence.
“Threat number 3: Dr. Red!”
An image of the maniacal doctor appeared standing tall over the city and laughing… well… maniacally…
“This man seeks to control all monsters and unleashes upon the mewling, infantile masses like a biblical plague, unleashing Armageddon itself in a bid for destruction and domination… I like him!”
Go figure…
“He’s human, I’ll lay dollars to yen he’s American, and he’s showing all you ignorant fools just how much you have to be afraid of… But Dr. Red, your brainwave won’t work on me… Because I don’t think with my brain, I think with my Gut. Sorry, my comrade in arms, but you’ll have to settle for second place in this battle for ultimate supremacy. A rare tip of my hat, however, for your terror inspiring antics…”
Fearzilla tipped his invisible hat to Dr. Red’s image, which returned the gesture in kind before blinking out of existence.
“Which brings me to Threat number 2: Brian Thorn!”
As the image of Thorn’s mech strode valiantly into the city, many of its trapped citizens let out cheers, believing their prayers had been answered and their hero had arrived to rescue them. This brought a potent sneer to the face of Fearzilla…
“This so called hero struts his stuff and all of you people somehow forget that there is a legion of monstrous hell spawn at your door waiting to rip you apart and feast on your entrails! The fool in his mechanical construct tries in vain to stop the madness, and in so doing makes you people feel safe… Well, Nation, let me be perfectly clear: You… are… not… safe… No one, not even the great Brian Thorn can thank you. And the false sense of security he wrongly instills in your hearts will lead to your own horrific demise… I will awaken you to the Truth of your reality, and if I have to rip the limbs from that absurd toy and tear the jaw off of Brian Thorn’s perfect face to do it… Well, that’s an added bonus…”
Rays of concentrated heat shot from Fearzilla’s eyes, quickly melting the mech, leaving the charred body of the once flawless Thorn burnt onto the street before his illusion too faded from view.
“And that brings us to the Number one Threat facing the world: BEARS!”
Fearzilla rose to his feet and opened wide his mouth. The wicked maw unhinged, growing to fantastic proportions as an army of fanged, clawed, demonic bears leaped from its chasm and let loose upon the city, leaving a trail of destruction in their wake.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” Fearzilla mused, “I guess the real Number One Threat is ME!”
Fearzilla extended his arm and clasped and unclasped his hand in a whiny demanding manner.
“King of the Monsters crown, please! Haha… mwahaha… MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
*The Factinista may claim this is not “a word,” but I felt in my Gut that it should be. So I verbed it. Deal with it.
SCRRRRRRREEEEEEE-EEEEEEEEEEEEEECCCHHHH!!!!!
Workers polishing glass and steel to a mirror shine on a skyscraper that luckily had sustained only superficial damage in the brawl watched in Shock and Awe as the building they were nearly finished perfecting crashed violently to the ground in a heap of twisted steel (and sex appeal). Miraculously their scaffolding remained erect as the greater structure toppled down.
Like dominoes, another fell in its wake, and another, and another, all neighboring structures, though their collapse saw them fall at angles to one another. As a great cloud of dust and debris rose to obstruct the view of those citizens lucky enough to dodge free from the chaos, the sound of great twisting, shattering glass, and metallic strain echoed through the air whilst unknown forced molded and bent the fallen structures into a form more pleasing to the demented mind of its architect. As a shower of smoke and dust fell slowly to the ground, that form was revealed: A giant C.
And perched on a “chair” composed of the stumped remains of a fallen tower, Fearzilla sat regally behind his new anchor “desk,” a deeply disturbing (yet still ruggedly handsome) stretched across his hideous(ly beautiful) face.
“Nation…” the beast roared in a voice that sent fierce wind ripping through the city streets, “Welcome to the Colbert Fearport! And this is the THREAT DOWN! Jimmy?”
At Jimmy’s command (apparently… even monstrous freaks of science have interns, who knew?) seismic disturbances pulsed through the streets and lightning crackled across the sky in undulating waves, simulating the effects of a strobing* siren. Panicked citizens desperate to flee for their very lives found themselves unable to do so as the geological shakedown knocked them off their feet. The horrible clarion cry subsided as the beast one again prepared to speak.
“Threat number 5: Mebbles!”
A lifelike, three dimensional illusion of the draconic creature flashed across the sky, so lifelike some of the stunned onlookers gasped in renewed horror, momentarily convinced it was real.
“This bizarre creature traveled from a distant planet in a life sustaining bubble of unknown technology… So let’s take a look at that, shall we? From a different planet… Not from Earth… Has anyone seen is Green Card? That’s right, ladies and gentlemen, Meebles is an illegal alien! His kind have betrayed our borders, spat in the face of our sovereignty, and are here taking jobs away from good, hardworking Earth monsters! Well, It Getters, this is one threat will soon be dealt with, as I will crush this alien threat beneath a powerful boot of feary justice, then boot him out of our solar system! And once I do, it’s high time we build a fence around our planet! We need to secure our border! Don‘t worry about the cost, China will pay for it, they know we‘re good for it…”
The Meebles illusion exploded in a poof of smoke.
“Threat number 4: Ekhornkin!”
An illusion of the animalistic Ekhornkin skittered up a surveying skyscraper, and leapt from its roof top to another, bounding back and forth as Fearzilla spoke.
“This overgrown rodent thinks he can waltz in here and lay chaos to what decent, God fearing humanoid monsters were already laying chaos to! Well, Nation, God… and that’s Jesus. by the way, not Buddha, who we all know is a secret Muslim fronting for Islamic terrorists! … gave dominion over the animals to man! This is our planet, Ekhornkin! You’re just allowed to live here because your pelt makes our women even more alluring and your flesh is oh, so delicious… A fact I will gladly illustrate when I roast you alive, proving the inherent superiority of non-furred bipedal monsters, like God intended!”
The Ekhornkin image’s fur burned away and flesh singed a golden brown before fading from existence.
“Threat number 3: Dr. Red!”
An image of the maniacal doctor appeared standing tall over the city and laughing… well… maniacally…
“This man seeks to control all monsters and unleashes upon the mewling, infantile masses like a biblical plague, unleashing Armageddon itself in a bid for destruction and domination… I like him!”
Go figure…
“He’s human, I’ll lay dollars to yen he’s American, and he’s showing all you ignorant fools just how much you have to be afraid of… But Dr. Red, your brainwave won’t work on me… Because I don’t think with my brain, I think with my Gut. Sorry, my comrade in arms, but you’ll have to settle for second place in this battle for ultimate supremacy. A rare tip of my hat, however, for your terror inspiring antics…”
Fearzilla tipped his invisible hat to Dr. Red’s image, which returned the gesture in kind before blinking out of existence.
“Which brings me to Threat number 2: Brian Thorn!”
As the image of Thorn’s mech strode valiantly into the city, many of its trapped citizens let out cheers, believing their prayers had been answered and their hero had arrived to rescue them. This brought a potent sneer to the face of Fearzilla…
“This so called hero struts his stuff and all of you people somehow forget that there is a legion of monstrous hell spawn at your door waiting to rip you apart and feast on your entrails! The fool in his mechanical construct tries in vain to stop the madness, and in so doing makes you people feel safe… Well, Nation, let me be perfectly clear: You… are… not… safe… No one, not even the great Brian Thorn can thank you. And the false sense of security he wrongly instills in your hearts will lead to your own horrific demise… I will awaken you to the Truth of your reality, and if I have to rip the limbs from that absurd toy and tear the jaw off of Brian Thorn’s perfect face to do it… Well, that’s an added bonus…”
Rays of concentrated heat shot from Fearzilla’s eyes, quickly melting the mech, leaving the charred body of the once flawless Thorn burnt onto the street before his illusion too faded from view.
“And that brings us to the Number one Threat facing the world: BEARS!”
Fearzilla rose to his feet and opened wide his mouth. The wicked maw unhinged, growing to fantastic proportions as an army of fanged, clawed, demonic bears leaped from its chasm and let loose upon the city, leaving a trail of destruction in their wake.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” Fearzilla mused, “I guess the real Number One Threat is ME!”
Fearzilla extended his arm and clasped and unclasped his hand in a whiny demanding manner.
“King of the Monsters crown, please! Haha… mwahaha… MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
*The Factinista may claim this is not “a word,” but I felt in my Gut that it should be. So I verbed it. Deal with it.
