Post by The Mighty Mjaeder! on Nov 22, 2010 0:25:20 GMT -5
Let’s be clear, you’re probably not going to believe this shit…
I mean, Hell, I’m the ill defined, seemingly omniscient narrator, and I barely believe it. But somehow it’s true. Every god damn word of it… Trust me. I was there. Well, “there”… Whatever…
So anyway, buckle your seat belts, because shit’s about to get bump (especially if you’re a fan of rationality or sanity…) I present to you…
The Strange Story of Super Slosh: Chapter 1- The Recappening…
It all began in New York City (get a rope…) where the enigmatic figure known only to the world as “Slosh” would first step foot onto the national stage… Seriously, even I don’t know if he has a “real name” so we’re sticking with Slosh.
Slosh was (is) a drunken buffoon, and also an absolutely huge ECW mark, especially in regards to the Sandman. Dude tries to be a clone of the cane swinging, beer swilling extremist. And on one faithful day (Slosh’s beer addled brain can’t remember the date, and I don’t care enough to look into it), Slosh got his chance and his “Big Break” through Rotten Apple Wrestling. The upstart promotion had big money backing it, and was looking to be an immediate national contender. Nobody thought Slosh would be anything more than comic relief, but with a never say die attitude and several heaping helpings of unique personality, Slosh became one of the most popular men on the roster. And do to an interesting incentives and bonuses paying structure, he also somehow became the highest paid member of what was a truly star studded roster as well…
But RAW was not to last. Turns out all that money was coming straight from the mob (go figure…) and the company was shut down. Everyone, Slosh included, thought that would be the end of the Slosh experiment…
Slosh got his second “Big Break” in the Championship Wrestling Federation. The recently reopened promotion was looking to reclaim its spot as the top company in the world, and a big roster increase help fueled that. Slosh’s unique brand of entertainment helped that push succeed, and he went on to become a 7 time CWF Extreme Champion (in one match, no less)… And as luck would have it, a contractual loophole saw to it that Slosh received 7 full (and lucrative) championship bonuses for that match… His popularity was still on the rise, and he was yet again swimming in dough, things were looking up…. Of course, as it is wont to do, CWF temporarily shut down thanks to the latest dispute between it’s 2 “parents” Mr. Honkonen and Ed “The Man” Collins. Honkonen provided the money, the legality, the building, the equipment, and the sex appeal… (Hey, I’m as straight as they come, but you can’t deny, there is something about that man… I mean… damn… and I’m not afraid to admit it, gun to my head? Sure, I’d do it…) Ed provided… something, I guess… (just kidding, you big bastard) Their constant bickering at least made for good television when it wasn’t shutting the company down. But anyway, I’m getting off track… Slosh was once again unemployed, and looking at the end of his unlikely run…
Slosh’s third “Big Break” came from Beach City Wrestling. It was a regional promotion based out of Cali, and Slosh was one of 2 “established stars” it could net. Against less experienced competition, the Sloshman excelled, gaining many victories, and when the day came where BCW was scheduled to compete in a 6 federation interpromotional Money In The Bank match with the winning promotion getting enough money to be pushed into a global promotion, Slosh was chosen to represent BCW. In a rare moment of lucidity, Slosh agreed, with the stipulation that he would be given 10% of the proceeds if he won the match… Low and behold, the hardcore inebriate won it all, and went on to become BCW’s first ever World Champion… The fed almost immediately thereafter tanked due to mismanagement, it’s owner was kinda an idiot (you know who you are…) But you know what? Slosh was still a world champ, and he still had his MITB contract, making his ass one rich motherfucker….
So, what would our man Slosh do with money to burn? If you guess set up his own brewery, you win a cookie. Slosh got a hell of a deal on a used factory in Japan, and set up shop. The Sloshweiser was born…
Interesting bit of trivia- the factory was so gosh darn cheap because its previous owner used it as a nuclear waste storage facility… And maybe skimped a little in terms of the clean up. Not being a detail main, Slosh didn’t pick up on the fact that his new giant beer tank was slightly irradiated… Of course, for his inaugural tour of the facility, Slosh was already hammered, and didn’t pick up on much of anything… He barely event noticed when he fell from the guardrail and nosedived into the tank…
Immersed in a bath of radioactive carbonated glory, Slosh quickly faded from consciousness… Would this turn out to be the end of Slosh?
No… I wouldn’t be around to tell you this story if it was… Dumbass…
Slosh awoke to find himself mutated into giant form stumbling down the streets of Tokyo. This would probably be a traumatic experience for most of us. But Slosh was still wasted. So he just rolled with it…
I mean, Hell, I’m the ill defined, seemingly omniscient narrator, and I barely believe it. But somehow it’s true. Every god damn word of it… Trust me. I was there. Well, “there”… Whatever…
So anyway, buckle your seat belts, because shit’s about to get bump (especially if you’re a fan of rationality or sanity…) I present to you…
The Strange Story of Super Slosh: Chapter 1- The Recappening…
It all began in New York City (get a rope…) where the enigmatic figure known only to the world as “Slosh” would first step foot onto the national stage… Seriously, even I don’t know if he has a “real name” so we’re sticking with Slosh.
Slosh was (is) a drunken buffoon, and also an absolutely huge ECW mark, especially in regards to the Sandman. Dude tries to be a clone of the cane swinging, beer swilling extremist. And on one faithful day (Slosh’s beer addled brain can’t remember the date, and I don’t care enough to look into it), Slosh got his chance and his “Big Break” through Rotten Apple Wrestling. The upstart promotion had big money backing it, and was looking to be an immediate national contender. Nobody thought Slosh would be anything more than comic relief, but with a never say die attitude and several heaping helpings of unique personality, Slosh became one of the most popular men on the roster. And do to an interesting incentives and bonuses paying structure, he also somehow became the highest paid member of what was a truly star studded roster as well…
But RAW was not to last. Turns out all that money was coming straight from the mob (go figure…) and the company was shut down. Everyone, Slosh included, thought that would be the end of the Slosh experiment…
Slosh got his second “Big Break” in the Championship Wrestling Federation. The recently reopened promotion was looking to reclaim its spot as the top company in the world, and a big roster increase help fueled that. Slosh’s unique brand of entertainment helped that push succeed, and he went on to become a 7 time CWF Extreme Champion (in one match, no less)… And as luck would have it, a contractual loophole saw to it that Slosh received 7 full (and lucrative) championship bonuses for that match… His popularity was still on the rise, and he was yet again swimming in dough, things were looking up…. Of course, as it is wont to do, CWF temporarily shut down thanks to the latest dispute between it’s 2 “parents” Mr. Honkonen and Ed “The Man” Collins. Honkonen provided the money, the legality, the building, the equipment, and the sex appeal… (Hey, I’m as straight as they come, but you can’t deny, there is something about that man… I mean… damn… and I’m not afraid to admit it, gun to my head? Sure, I’d do it…) Ed provided… something, I guess… (just kidding, you big bastard) Their constant bickering at least made for good television when it wasn’t shutting the company down. But anyway, I’m getting off track… Slosh was once again unemployed, and looking at the end of his unlikely run…
Slosh’s third “Big Break” came from Beach City Wrestling. It was a regional promotion based out of Cali, and Slosh was one of 2 “established stars” it could net. Against less experienced competition, the Sloshman excelled, gaining many victories, and when the day came where BCW was scheduled to compete in a 6 federation interpromotional Money In The Bank match with the winning promotion getting enough money to be pushed into a global promotion, Slosh was chosen to represent BCW. In a rare moment of lucidity, Slosh agreed, with the stipulation that he would be given 10% of the proceeds if he won the match… Low and behold, the hardcore inebriate won it all, and went on to become BCW’s first ever World Champion… The fed almost immediately thereafter tanked due to mismanagement, it’s owner was kinda an idiot (you know who you are…) But you know what? Slosh was still a world champ, and he still had his MITB contract, making his ass one rich motherfucker….
So, what would our man Slosh do with money to burn? If you guess set up his own brewery, you win a cookie. Slosh got a hell of a deal on a used factory in Japan, and set up shop. The Sloshweiser was born…
Interesting bit of trivia- the factory was so gosh darn cheap because its previous owner used it as a nuclear waste storage facility… And maybe skimped a little in terms of the clean up. Not being a detail main, Slosh didn’t pick up on the fact that his new giant beer tank was slightly irradiated… Of course, for his inaugural tour of the facility, Slosh was already hammered, and didn’t pick up on much of anything… He barely event noticed when he fell from the guardrail and nosedived into the tank…
Immersed in a bath of radioactive carbonated glory, Slosh quickly faded from consciousness… Would this turn out to be the end of Slosh?
No… I wouldn’t be around to tell you this story if it was… Dumbass…
Slosh awoke to find himself mutated into giant form stumbling down the streets of Tokyo. This would probably be a traumatic experience for most of us. But Slosh was still wasted. So he just rolled with it…
