Post by perpetuallytired on Nov 20, 2010 23:50:16 GMT -5
Fred isn't surprised to find Ra-Man outside the ironic-as-hell Thai place, Pad Our Wallets, deep within the American Tourist Trap district of Tokyo (one of few areas thriving in the midst of destruction). Most of the local restaurant owners have large, unflattering photographs of Ra-Man on their "DO NOT SERVE" cork boards due to the fiend's demeanor and sour smell. According to Fred's research Ra-Man is popular with the owners of Pad Our Wallet because he "deals with" survivors of the annihilation who beg for food.
Fred flies onto the back parking lot, which is lined with large barbed-wire fences and cement walls in a feeble attempt to keep monsters at bay.
"Guess they don't know that some monsters...have wings" Fred mumbles in his vaguely French accent before laughing at his own idea of a joke.
However, Fred's humor is short lived when he spots Ra-Man, attempting to shove a starved Japanese woman in a tattered flower print dress behind his custom designed Insta-Death Kettle.
"Too late, fire-breath! Little Sana thinks she can beg for dumplings while the CFO of Halliburton dines on fresh, twice-battered shrimp?! Not on my watch!!"
Fred steps closer, raising his wings dramatically. "Ra-Man, I understand your...fascination with food. But there are easier ways to get a lifetime supply of free noodles than to become a contract killer." Fred again laughs inappropriately.
"You don't understand!" Ra-Man screams, dropping Sana so that a few of her hairs dip into the boiling-hot kettle water. "Never again will I have to tighten my belt to hold off hunger pains. Fred, I suggest you do likewise. Become like me."
"I won't allow it!" Fred screams, launching a concentrated beam of heat into the center of Ra-Man's noodle cup.
"AGHHH! My sensitive eyes!" Ra-Man flails back and forth, and his grip on Sana weakens. Before she meets a bubbly end on the bottom of the kettle, Fred sweeps in and grabs her with one clawed hand, making sure that he doesn't cut through her flesh. He uses one of his wings to knock Ra-Man against the Halliburton CFO's black Hummer limousine. Packets of uncooked noodles and flavor packs fall out of Ra-Man's pockets.
Fred scoops up four of the noodle packets and hands them to a very shaken Sana. "If you need any more grub, find me in the Hornet's Marsh," he whispers to her. Too stunned to say any thanks, Sana runs back to her shelter.
However, while he's distracted Ra-Man has retrieved a very potent package from one of his other pockets. He holds the package up to Fred, grinning through the holes in his ridiculous costume. "Lookee what I got, Freddy. Some mushroom jerky. I don't know a lot about you, you scaly do-gooder, but I know you can't get enough of this sweet meatless...stuff."
Fred turns away, disgusted by Ra-Man's desperate tactics, only to turn back with a smile. "Actually, I'd like a hot cup of Insta-Hummer Slush. With a side of Ra-Man."
"Huh?" Ra-Man asks. But before he can say another word Fred grabs the Hummer and chucks it into the massive kettle, instantly turning it into dark goo with the consistency of tar. He then hurls a screaming Ra-Man into the muck before kicking the kettle over. Ra-Man and the car stew spill onto the parking lot. Ra-Man's costume is almost entirely gone, burned away.
Fred notices that Ra-Man is still holding the mushroom jerky in one blistered hand.
"That's some good eats," Fred says, snatching up the jerky and flying away, chuckling all the while.
Fred flies onto the back parking lot, which is lined with large barbed-wire fences and cement walls in a feeble attempt to keep monsters at bay.
"Guess they don't know that some monsters...have wings" Fred mumbles in his vaguely French accent before laughing at his own idea of a joke.
However, Fred's humor is short lived when he spots Ra-Man, attempting to shove a starved Japanese woman in a tattered flower print dress behind his custom designed Insta-Death Kettle.
"Too late, fire-breath! Little Sana thinks she can beg for dumplings while the CFO of Halliburton dines on fresh, twice-battered shrimp?! Not on my watch!!"
Fred steps closer, raising his wings dramatically. "Ra-Man, I understand your...fascination with food. But there are easier ways to get a lifetime supply of free noodles than to become a contract killer." Fred again laughs inappropriately.
"You don't understand!" Ra-Man screams, dropping Sana so that a few of her hairs dip into the boiling-hot kettle water. "Never again will I have to tighten my belt to hold off hunger pains. Fred, I suggest you do likewise. Become like me."
"I won't allow it!" Fred screams, launching a concentrated beam of heat into the center of Ra-Man's noodle cup.
"AGHHH! My sensitive eyes!" Ra-Man flails back and forth, and his grip on Sana weakens. Before she meets a bubbly end on the bottom of the kettle, Fred sweeps in and grabs her with one clawed hand, making sure that he doesn't cut through her flesh. He uses one of his wings to knock Ra-Man against the Halliburton CFO's black Hummer limousine. Packets of uncooked noodles and flavor packs fall out of Ra-Man's pockets.
Fred scoops up four of the noodle packets and hands them to a very shaken Sana. "If you need any more grub, find me in the Hornet's Marsh," he whispers to her. Too stunned to say any thanks, Sana runs back to her shelter.
However, while he's distracted Ra-Man has retrieved a very potent package from one of his other pockets. He holds the package up to Fred, grinning through the holes in his ridiculous costume. "Lookee what I got, Freddy. Some mushroom jerky. I don't know a lot about you, you scaly do-gooder, but I know you can't get enough of this sweet meatless...stuff."
Fred turns away, disgusted by Ra-Man's desperate tactics, only to turn back with a smile. "Actually, I'd like a hot cup of Insta-Hummer Slush. With a side of Ra-Man."
"Huh?" Ra-Man asks. But before he can say another word Fred grabs the Hummer and chucks it into the massive kettle, instantly turning it into dark goo with the consistency of tar. He then hurls a screaming Ra-Man into the muck before kicking the kettle over. Ra-Man and the car stew spill onto the parking lot. Ra-Man's costume is almost entirely gone, burned away.
Fred notices that Ra-Man is still holding the mushroom jerky in one blistered hand.
"That's some good eats," Fred says, snatching up the jerky and flying away, chuckling all the while.
