“Roll Initiative!”
The squirrel monster looks on with a bad case of bed-head and a grump disposition.
“Hey, don't give me that attitude!” Mantaur replies chucking some oversized dice against the ground. “I tried to play nice! Hell, I didn't even want any of this drama to start, but someone couldn't stick with the game plan. Someone thought a tree full of peanuts was more important than... OUR LIVES!!!”
Finished with arguing, Ekhornkin dashes forward and begins to uncharacteristically strangle Mantaur. He must really hate Mondays.
“You damned cheater!” Mantaur utters, fighting to breathe. “You didn't roll for anything! That's how we roll!”
Despite the explanation, Ekhornkin presses on, too cranky to listen to the nerd's nerdy reason. A sudden epiphany comes to the geek, wondering how this fighting is occurring outside the game world he believes surrounds Tokyo.
“What's going on...?” Mantaur wonders, fighting off the primitive sleeping hold. “No one is following the rules! Why do I bother?”
A fit of rage comes over the LARP'er, fueling his counter to hip toss the fluffy enemy over. Ekhornkin collapses into a cat food factory, triggering off a choir of meows across the city.
“I didn't want to do this, because we were in-game,” Mantaur shouts. “But none of you guys give me a choice! I DIDN'T WANT TO!!! UGH.... LASER EYES!!!”
Out of nowhere, rays of destructive red light beam from Mantaur's orbital sockets. His death glare burrows into the streets and buildings until his focus reaches his opponent. Ekhornkin shrieks in pain, as the cat food factory complete explodes, showering the city and hungry kittehs in fresh, fresh food.
“W-W-Why?” Mantaur cries, walking away from the battle. “Why'd you make me do it! It was just supposed to be a GAME!”
“Okay, press start,” the new soy sauce monster, Kikko-Man instructs, passing a Nintendo NES controller. “The A button is run and B is to jump.”
Luigi start.
“Go, go, go!” Kikko-Man cheers, as his slow-minded broth-er takes control of the green Mario Bro. “Goombah! Jump!”
Luigi Game Over.
“You died...” Kikko cries, holding his hands to his face. “You died on the first baddie... Wow, we really have a lot of work to do...”
Suddenly, a passer-by comes across the defensive couple.
“Hey, look at this guy,” Kikko says, nudging his idiotic brother, “Is he one of the jerks that has been picking on you?
Together, they look over and notice viking noodle chef Oh Den Wang Chun. The chef seems to be keeping to himself, changing out some pots of water out from this noodle shop.
“Who does this punk think he is?” Kikko barks. “Doing things... around people... there are some thing you can get away with doing around other people, and while some people may allow this or something similar, we are not one of them. We don't mind some things done around us, you know what I am talking about, but this is not one! That is just unforgivable!”
“...HUHRRRR?” Ra-Man questions, not really following, then again no one was.
“Let's go, Ra-Man! We're going to give him a piece of our minds!”
The Super Noodle Bros march over to the noodle shop and begin to harass the old Oh Den.
“Yeah, well, we don't want to hear it, anymore!” Kikko says, before Oh Den can get a word out. “And we've had enough! Time for a beat down, Noodle Tyrant!”
Taught from their short video game lesson, the brothers attack the chef and begin to jump up and down on him. Oh Den begins to howl and shout in pain, unaware why he is being beaten. In a way to defend himself, he curls up in a ball and tries to hide his head and stomach.
“That's quite enough, you two,” a voice outside the scrap says. It's Fred, the blue dragon, and resident wandering sheriff. “Leave him alone, now, or suffer my wrath!”
“Hey, dude, you don't know!” Kikko argues. “This guy has been...”
“Doing nothing, you fool! Now leave with your head full of whatever liquid you have in there...”
“See, that's what I don't like about this world,” Kikko replies. “You guys place the race card just so quickly! Noodle this and noodle that. It's like you guys don't need to know anything but my looks to judge me! Well, what if I do it... Huh, BLUE DRAGON!!??!! How does that make you feel?”
“Well, I am a blue dragon, so... not... … … really?”
“Enough of this, you racist! Now we're going to kick your butt for sticking your nose in our business!”
The brother leap on the dragon, but, it's no use, the dragon is just so massive. One leaps on the neck and the other on tail, but they are both quickly shaken, stirred, and tossed off. The brothers tumble off, but don't get a chance to fix their bearings. A giant swooping tail swings along the ground and cleaves Ra-Man, and propels him in the air like a giant aluminum bullet into his partner. They topple over like bowling pins, screaming like fighting children.
“Take this back to wherever you came from and never bother with this man, again!” Fred shouts, rearing up and shunting the noodle twins with his horns into the watery shore.
With The Super Noodle Bros disposed of, for the moment, Fred looks to see if the old man was well, but he was not there. Fred had to leave and hold on to that question for later.
“No... more... eggnog flavored sake...”
Festive Super Slosh, adorned in his Santa hat, with his inanimate partner in crime at his side. A red ribbon coils down the length of his Singapore cane, making it appear to be some violent version of a candy cane. He clutches his upset stomach, maybe too much strange holiday booze and fruitcake.
“Okay... no more... holiday... shit...”
Slosh flings off his hat and throws it in the trash. He's had enough of Christmas for this year. It didn't have anything to do with the season so much, but, it's the second week of January, and buying up all the discounted seasonal alcohol seems to be a regretful decision.
“Happy Birthday!” a mysterious figure says from afar, catching only a passing glance from the troubled drunk. “Happy Birthday, Super Slosh!”
“Is that really?” The Sloshman thought. Was it really his favorite holiday character, Frosty the Snowman? It came from a dark crevice between skyscrapers, he couldn't tell for sure.
“F-F-Frosty?” Tokyo's radioactive pro wrestler stuttered, coming close. “Is t-t-that you?”
“Happy Bi-!”
“Die, you sumbitch! Die!” Slosh yells, running forward, wielding his stick like an ax towards that jolly, happy soul.
“ARRRRRRGGGAAAAAAAHHHH!” Frost cries, receiving smash after smash. “Hap- AHHH! Hap- AHHH! Happy- AHHHH!”
Bloody snow spurts everywhere, covering the vicinity in what appears to be black cherry Slushie.
“Sorry, you frosty !#$%, but I can't let an opportunity like this pass me by...”
He reaches down and lifts up a black top hat. He stares down in amazement for some time, falling into a slight trance. Ever since he was a young Slosh, Slosh understood there must have been some magic in that old silk hat that he found. He knew if he placed it on his head... he would begin to dance around!!! ...or something as equally as cool.
The Sloshman, hovering over the dead body of one of his beloved Christmas figure, only bested of course by Captain Morgan, and begins to laugh maniacally - this time, drunk on power.
“Good job for even having the guts to face me, rangers,” Fearzilla says, cracking his knuckles. “But I'm afraid that's where the praises end and the fear begins!”
Tokyo's nemesis darts forward, clocking the Rangerzord with a devastating uppercut. The mech flies through the end and last hard on his back. It lies unresponsive.
“Just sad,” The Feared One laughs. “One punch and Tokyo's trusted band of heroes is no more. Just pathetic! ...Now get up!”
To Fearzilla's dismay, the mech does not respond.
…
…
…
…
“Think we should defend our Zord?” Yellow asks the group, far, far, far, far away from their opponent.
“Nah, we can build a new one,” they respond, trembling in their colorful boots. “We ain't messing with that!”
DUNG DUNG DUNGG DUNGG!
DUNG DUNG DUNG...
This main event battle comes equipped with a music video and alleged child-molesting charges.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ym0hZG-zNOkMebbles, rocking some really sweet shades, tosses on his equally sweet white tiger jacket. This was just no regular off the rack Ed Hardy overpriced glitz and glam, this was his fightin' jacket! Mebbles was mother!@#$'ing ready for a brawl!
On the other side of Tokyo, Brian Thorn's Gundam pulls a gigantic t-shirt over his titanium armor. It's striped yellow and black, like a goofy-looking bumble bee. It wasn't very cool at all, but how much choice do you get in the Gundam section of the store? Regardless, it's on and probably harder to take off than to put on, and he too is now ready for the sickest street fight in Japan's history! Yakuza ain't got nothing on this bloodbath!
Relaxing and celebrating his easy victory over the Rangers, Fearzilla watches on in his celebratory red leather jacket. “It doesn't matter... who's wrong or right... just beat... THE LIVING HELL OUT OF EACH OTHER!!!”
And that they do, Fearzilla, that they do. Once they are in eye contact of each other, they spring forward, chains and pipes in hand, wailing away like crazed madmen.
Thorn brushes off a pipe to the brain pan and whips Mebbles with a chain like he was a monster in a Castlevania game. Mebbles ' body welts up, but he ignores the pain and lands with a loaded tail of brass knuckles. Thorn never saw it coming, and, who could, it was a pair of brass knuckles on his tail!
Thorn topples over, smashing into buildings, and Mebbles following up with a giant steel chair shot! Okay, sure, the Gundam is made of harder metal than steel, but go with me. Thorn sells it anyway, cause he's awesome, and falls under a complete collapse of a building. Mebbles steps away, measures some distance, and dashes forward, looking to leap into the wreckage in a fury of hasty aggression. Too bad Thorn wasn't too bad off, because his metal leg pops out of the rubble and connects with Mebbles' body mid-air, sending me backwards. Tokyo's guardian claws himself out, and finds a piece of rebar with a chunk of cement attached at the end. He charges forward and golf swings Mebbles like his makeshift mace. Mebbles rockets through the air, smashing through a series of buildings, before landing hand in a parking garage.
Thorn advances, but Mebbles stirs. Lifting cars in each of his hands, Thorn equips his fists with some extra explosive power. Mebbles comes forward, looking to connect with another tail whip, but it's dodged, and Thorn ear boxes the mini-dragon with the cars. They explode, concussing the hero, and Mebbles staggers dazed and stunned. Then, measuring it out, Thorn super kicks the alien dragon silent.
The beacon bounces out of his pocket and rolls to Thorn's metallic boots.
“Looks like I owe Thorn a pat on the back,” Fearzilla dastardly claims, watching the conclusion of the fight from afar. “He took out a hero for me, and, not just that, he brought that beacon just that much closer to me! Perfect, Thorn, you're doing perfect! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!”
Fast Forward!!!
Mantaur beats Ekhornkin with some strange new powers
Fred saves Oh Den from a double noodle beat-down
Super Slosh murders Frosty and takes his hat
Fearzilla beats an empty Rangerzoid. The Rangers also lose to their weak bladders.
Thorn defeats Mebbles in an ugly hero-on-hero street fight. This pleases the forces of evil.
