Post by The Mighty Mjaeder! on Jan 15, 2011 2:24:31 GMT -5
“This is the coolest fucking thing that I ever seen!”
And trust me, Slosh has seen some pretty cool shit.
“Seriously, motherfucker, are you watching this shit? It’s fucking so fucking awesome!”
Everyone’s favorite radioactive mutant inebriate (seriously, I defy you to find a drunken mutant currently emitting low levels of radiation that ANYONE likes more) stood next to one of those inflatable punching bag deals where you punch the cocksucker, it falls down, then pops back up, this particular one Godzilla (or Gojira, if you prefer) shaped. In his drunken hands Slosh held a magic top hat (I swear to Christ, straight up legit, a magic fucking top hat). Slosh placed the hat on the head of the balloon dude, and immediately mini-Godzilla sprang to life, letting loose a mighty roar and taking a few steps forward, looking to unleash its fury on mini-Tokyo. But showing surprisingly quick reflexes for a drunken shitbird, Slosh snatched the hat off of its head, and the balloon became once again an inanimate children’s toy.
Slosh jumped up in down, giddy with excitement and laughing hysterically.
“ISN’T THIS INCREDIBLE!!!”
“Mmmmmaaaaaannn…. I’m higher than I thought….”
Slosh’s best friend, partner in crime, RVD mark extraordinaire, and raging pothead, Bake, recently made the trip across the ocean to join his broseph in the Orient. Trippy, dude… Bake took another long assed pull off a jumbo joint as he marveled as his “hallucination” of the magic hat.
“No, dude, you’re fucking sober!”
Bake just raised an eyebrow incredulously.
“… ok, you’re fucking high as a kite… But this shit is REAL!”
“Whatever you say, bro… heh heh heh…”
Like a kid with a brand new toy (because this dude didn’t already have enough shit he could potentially wreak havoc with…), Slosh darted back and forth looking for something else he could put the swank assed magic hat on. Slosh spotted a Japanese fellow heading for a mailbox (they have those in Japan, right? … Let’s just say they do, or this bit won’t work…) and sprung into action. He rushed over, setting the hat atop the mailbox just before the man reached it. Ignoring the strange American, the man dropped his letter into the box, which promptly opened eyes, and it’s mail slot (which became a mouth).
“Yes… feed me… FEED ME! I know ALL of your secrets!”
The Japanese fellow fell to the ground in horror and shock. Slosh snatched back the hat and fell to the ground himself, but in his case from glee rather than terror.
“HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!”
Bake sllllloooooowwwwlllly got to his feet and helped Slosh up, “Dude… you’re a crazy motherfucker…”
“Slosh…”
“Huh?”
“SLOSH!”
Racing into view the scientist dude from Slosh’s last adventure came rushing in, a tablet (you know, iPad type deal) clutched in his sciencey little fingers. He skidded to a halt in front of Slosh and Bake.
“Slosh! I’ve answered it!”
“Ok, cool…” Slosh blinked repeatedly, “Like… what?”
“The answer of your kendo stick!”
“IT’S A FUCKING SINGAPORE CANE, COCKSUCKER!”
“I know why it grows with you!” the science dude continued with nearly explosive excitement, stumbling all over himself to deliver his wondrous explanation, The extraordinary energy output of your mutated mitochondria, not only does it fuel your amazing growth and regenerative abilities, a significant portion is channeled into your cerebral cortex, modifying your brainwaves, not only increasing their output exponentially, but modifying their frequency into one never before seen. These extraordinary new brainwaves respond to what an essential part your cane plays into your psyche, and channel their energy into the bamboo, causing it to…”
“Dude!” Slosh cut him off, “No one cares…”
The scientist raised his voice to continue, but then realized what Slosh had said, taking it like a blow to the face, “Wait, what?”
“You wanna explain something, explain this shit!”
Slosh grabbed his magic hat and sprinted over to a rotund fellow climbing onto a moped. Slosh put the hat on the moped, and the vehicle sprung to life.
“Get your fat ass off of me!” the moped shouted, “You’ll fucking crush me to death! I’m not a freaking cargo carrier!”
As the poor rotund fellow ran for his life, Slosh snatched back the hat. The scientist stared, quickly deflating as if someone had stolen his moment of greatness. Without a word, he turned and walked away.
“Later, science dude…” Bake chimed in.
A light bulb went off over Slosh’s head. He looked at the hat. He looked at his Singapore cane. He looked at the hat. He looked at his Singapore cane. He looked at the hat. He looked at his Singapore cane. He looked at the hat. He looked at his Singapore cane… Tenderly, Slosh put the hat atop the cane, let go, and stepped back…
The cane stood straight on its own, then began to grow, till it was nearly as tall as Slosh. It expanded in other directions as well, changing in shape and texture, taking on the shape of a life form, a humanoid… a woman… A shapely, buxom, curvaceous, vivacious (if bambooey) woman. Slosh’s jaw dropped as “she” took shape. She regarded him with a mischievous grin. Slosh blinked.
“Sw… Sweetness?”
The newly living and female cane beckoned with a finger and winked, “Come here, loverboy…”
“… I am going to fuck you... SO... HARD!”
Proving true to his word, Slosh virtually tackled the now living and receptive Sweetness, sucking face with her as they tumbled to the ground, groping each other enthusiastically. Slosh quickly started humping, but for the sack of your sanity, we’ll end this one before his pants come down…
And trust me, Slosh has seen some pretty cool shit.
“Seriously, motherfucker, are you watching this shit? It’s fucking so fucking awesome!”
Everyone’s favorite radioactive mutant inebriate (seriously, I defy you to find a drunken mutant currently emitting low levels of radiation that ANYONE likes more) stood next to one of those inflatable punching bag deals where you punch the cocksucker, it falls down, then pops back up, this particular one Godzilla (or Gojira, if you prefer) shaped. In his drunken hands Slosh held a magic top hat (I swear to Christ, straight up legit, a magic fucking top hat). Slosh placed the hat on the head of the balloon dude, and immediately mini-Godzilla sprang to life, letting loose a mighty roar and taking a few steps forward, looking to unleash its fury on mini-Tokyo. But showing surprisingly quick reflexes for a drunken shitbird, Slosh snatched the hat off of its head, and the balloon became once again an inanimate children’s toy.
Slosh jumped up in down, giddy with excitement and laughing hysterically.
“ISN’T THIS INCREDIBLE!!!”
“Mmmmmaaaaaannn…. I’m higher than I thought….”
Slosh’s best friend, partner in crime, RVD mark extraordinaire, and raging pothead, Bake, recently made the trip across the ocean to join his broseph in the Orient. Trippy, dude… Bake took another long assed pull off a jumbo joint as he marveled as his “hallucination” of the magic hat.
“No, dude, you’re fucking sober!”
Bake just raised an eyebrow incredulously.
“… ok, you’re fucking high as a kite… But this shit is REAL!”
“Whatever you say, bro… heh heh heh…”
Like a kid with a brand new toy (because this dude didn’t already have enough shit he could potentially wreak havoc with…), Slosh darted back and forth looking for something else he could put the swank assed magic hat on. Slosh spotted a Japanese fellow heading for a mailbox (they have those in Japan, right? … Let’s just say they do, or this bit won’t work…) and sprung into action. He rushed over, setting the hat atop the mailbox just before the man reached it. Ignoring the strange American, the man dropped his letter into the box, which promptly opened eyes, and it’s mail slot (which became a mouth).
“Yes… feed me… FEED ME! I know ALL of your secrets!”
The Japanese fellow fell to the ground in horror and shock. Slosh snatched back the hat and fell to the ground himself, but in his case from glee rather than terror.
“HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!”
Bake sllllloooooowwwwlllly got to his feet and helped Slosh up, “Dude… you’re a crazy motherfucker…”
“Slosh…”
“Huh?”
“SLOSH!”
Racing into view the scientist dude from Slosh’s last adventure came rushing in, a tablet (you know, iPad type deal) clutched in his sciencey little fingers. He skidded to a halt in front of Slosh and Bake.
“Slosh! I’ve answered it!”
“Ok, cool…” Slosh blinked repeatedly, “Like… what?”
“The answer of your kendo stick!”
“IT’S A FUCKING SINGAPORE CANE, COCKSUCKER!”
“I know why it grows with you!” the science dude continued with nearly explosive excitement, stumbling all over himself to deliver his wondrous explanation, The extraordinary energy output of your mutated mitochondria, not only does it fuel your amazing growth and regenerative abilities, a significant portion is channeled into your cerebral cortex, modifying your brainwaves, not only increasing their output exponentially, but modifying their frequency into one never before seen. These extraordinary new brainwaves respond to what an essential part your cane plays into your psyche, and channel their energy into the bamboo, causing it to…”
“Dude!” Slosh cut him off, “No one cares…”
The scientist raised his voice to continue, but then realized what Slosh had said, taking it like a blow to the face, “Wait, what?”
“You wanna explain something, explain this shit!”
Slosh grabbed his magic hat and sprinted over to a rotund fellow climbing onto a moped. Slosh put the hat on the moped, and the vehicle sprung to life.
“Get your fat ass off of me!” the moped shouted, “You’ll fucking crush me to death! I’m not a freaking cargo carrier!”
As the poor rotund fellow ran for his life, Slosh snatched back the hat. The scientist stared, quickly deflating as if someone had stolen his moment of greatness. Without a word, he turned and walked away.
“Later, science dude…” Bake chimed in.
A light bulb went off over Slosh’s head. He looked at the hat. He looked at his Singapore cane. He looked at the hat. He looked at his Singapore cane. He looked at the hat. He looked at his Singapore cane. He looked at the hat. He looked at his Singapore cane… Tenderly, Slosh put the hat atop the cane, let go, and stepped back…
The cane stood straight on its own, then began to grow, till it was nearly as tall as Slosh. It expanded in other directions as well, changing in shape and texture, taking on the shape of a life form, a humanoid… a woman… A shapely, buxom, curvaceous, vivacious (if bambooey) woman. Slosh’s jaw dropped as “she” took shape. She regarded him with a mischievous grin. Slosh blinked.
“Sw… Sweetness?”
The newly living and female cane beckoned with a finger and winked, “Come here, loverboy…”
“… I am going to fuck you... SO... HARD!”
Proving true to his word, Slosh virtually tackled the now living and receptive Sweetness, sucking face with her as they tumbled to the ground, groping each other enthusiastically. Slosh quickly started humping, but for the sack of your sanity, we’ll end this one before his pants come down…
