Post by The Mighty Mjaeder! on Dec 24, 2010 18:27:47 GMT -5
In light of the holiday spirit, here's a little blast from the past those of you from the CWF will surely remember, and hopefully all will enjoy. I proudly present to you:
A merry group of revelers gathered around the enormous tree, decked out in all its Christmas splendor. The crowd was happy, excited, anxious for the tree lighting ceremony to begin. Amidst this crowd were Tucker Matthews, Chris Carlson, and Alyssa Griffin, the President, Vice President, and Treasurer respectively of the Harmon University Young Republicans, and off all the spectators gathered, they were clearly the most excited. They each have a large Starbucks coffee cup in their hands and are dressed for the cold.
TUCKER: Gosh, I love Christmas. It’s my second favorite time of the year.
CHRIS: That’s right, right after Reagan’s birthday!
ALYSSA: Amen.
TUCKER: So, what’s everybody drinking? I’ve got a peppermint mocha.
CHRIS: Eggnog latte for me.
ALYSSA: I’m trying the gingerbread latte.
ALL: That sounds good, I’d like to try that.
The three exchange beverages and each takes a sip before returning the drink to its rightful owner.
TUCKER: Mmm, tasty.
ALYSSA: Very nice.
CHRIS: Yeah, good stuff.
The three share a look for a few seconds, then eagerly exchange beverages, each drinking happily.
CHRIS: I can’t wait till they light the tree, nothing gets the Christmas spirit going like a good old fashioned tree lighting.
TUCKER: Thank goodness Congress was smart enough to make the celebration of the birth of our Lord a national holiday 136 years ago.
ALYSSA: Hallelujah
CHRIS: Hey, look, someone’s coming!
A man in a drab grey business suit with a heavy brown overcoat walks up to the podium. After a few words with the man, the ceremony leader unhappily steps aside and the suit takes the podium.
SUIT: Ladies and gentlemen, I regret to inform you that this ceremony will not be allowed to continue. It has been decided that the Christmas tree is a Christian religious symbol, and as such is inappropriate for this public ground in light of the separation of Church and State. I am sorry for the inconvenience, please have a good night.
ALL: THOSE D**NED DIRTY LIBERALS!!!
CHRIS: Something needs to be done… This looks like a job for…
ALL: THE YOUNG REPUBLICANS!
ALYSSA: How could anyone be so cruel as to deprive good wholesome Americans of their Christmas trees?
TUCKER: Don’t you worry, Alyssa, we’ll get to the bottom of this, and as sure as Ronald Reagan was the greatest President in the history of the greatest country in the history of the world, by God, we will make it right!
CHRIS: Alright, our first order of business has to be to find out what commie pinko Godless neo-Nazi zoog dweeby leftist anti-American anti-papist terrorists are responsible for this.
ALYSSA: Right then we’ll need to find out their motives and the legal references and precedents they used to make this travesty possible.
TUCKER: Hmmm…. I think we should split up.
ALLYSSA: Right, I’ll go to the local library and start doing research on the legitimacy of this silly claim and try and find some legal precedence to support us. Luckily the Library is open late ever since its budget was increased by the no child left behind act.
CHRIS: You mean other than the last three quarters of a century of tree lighting ceremonies in Hartford.
They all chuckle a bit at this.
CHRIS: I’ll go look into this group and ask around at the mayor’s office.
TUCKER: Great, for now I’ll stay here and start a petition and if necessary, I’ll call my dad, he has plenty of friends in Washington who would love to help defend Christmas.
CHRIS: Alright, break!
Chris and Alyssa head off in separate directions, and Tucker strides towards the center of the crowd.
TUCKER: Ladies and gentlemen, if I could please have your attention! What we have all witnessed here tonight is a travesty and a tragedy, a true affront not just to the holiest of all holidays, but to America! This great land was formed on Christian beliefs and Christian customs, and for nearly a century and a half, Christmas has been an officially recognized national holiday. To see it disgraced like this is uncalled for, un-American, and something we proud citizens cannot allow! We must take immediate action. Now…
Tucker reaches into his jacket pocket and produces a notepad and pen.
TUCKER: Here and now, the first step we must take is to start a petition, so that we can show the powers that be that the citizens of this great city will not stand for such heinous actions against our traditions! Please, I ask all of you to form a line and sign this form, and together we will make this right!
Tucker quickly writes a few words onto his notepad as the crowd enthusiastically forms up, he hands that pad and pen over to the first man to approach him and oversees the proceedings proudly as person after person happily signs on.
The scene cuts to the inside of a seven eleven. Alyssa comes in and spots Chris in line with two cups of coffee. She waves and Chris smiles and nods back.
CHRIS: Funny running into you here.
ALYSSA: Yeah, I got done with my research a lot quicker than I’d expected too. I remembered that my cousin Steve wrote his master’s thesis on the relationship between the American government and Christian values. When I explained the situation to him he couldn’t fax me a copy fast enough. I figured Tucker would still be at the commons so I was gonna bring him some coffee. Unfortunately, Starbucks was closed.
CHRIS: Same here, except rather than an expert cousin I just had an easy topic. These guys are a bunch of wacky liberal moon-bats. They’ve got a long track record of filing frivolous lawsuits and complaints against local businesses. I took some notes, I’m not the legal expert, but I think we could make a class action suit.
While they were talking Alyssa got her own coffee and stepped into line with Chris. A moment later, Chris paid for the coffee and took his change.
CHRIS AND ALYSSA: Merry Christmas!
CLERK: Happy Holidays.
CHRIS: Excuse me?
CLERK: I said Happy Holidays.
ALYSSA We distinctly said Merry Christmas.
CLERK: and I said happy Holidays.
CHRIS: That’s not how it works, I said Merry Christmas, you have to say Merry Christmas back. When my Jewish friends say “Happy Chanukah” I say “Happy Chanukah and a Merry Christmas” to him. That’s how the etiquette of this works regardless of what you believe.
CLERK: Look I’m sorry but its company policy to say “Happy Holidays”.
ALYSSA: Excuse me, are you an atheist?
CLERK: No.
ALYSSA: Do you believe that the Lord Jesus Christ died for your sins?
CLERK:…..
CHRIS: It’s a simple question, sir.
The next man in line gets somewhat irate.
MAN: Hey, some of us are trying to buy stuff here!
NEXT MAN: Actually I think the kid’s got a point I’m tired of this “Happy Holidays” bull****. I’ve celebrated Christmas all my life and the last few years everywhere I look everything has to be generic now. This country was founded by Christians and we’re still the majority!
The rest of the line now starts to speak up with things getting more and more heated on each side.
CLERK: Alright, yes, I do.
CHRIS: So “company policy” matters to you more than that. You can’t honor him by wishing me the same when I tell you I want you to have peace and joy on the anniversary of the birth of our savior.
The clerk looks at them somewhat dumbfounded he also looks somewhat ill at ease at the argument taking place in the check-out line.
ALYSSA: It’s two little words.
CLERK: *sigh* Merry Christmas.
CHRIS: Excuse me those of you who agree with me, I regret to inform you that our city government has bowed to the wishes of a radical anti-papist group and cancelled this year’s Christmas tree lighting in the town square. We’re going to meet our friend there who’s started a petition to reverse this abomination.
Most of the patrons set their potential purchases on the counter and follow the Young Republicans out. The scene cuts to Tucker in the town square. He is shaking hands with a “long haired hippie” type.
HIPPIE: I normally couldn’t be in greater disagreement with you guys but these nutjobs have gone too far.
TUCKER: Thank you for your support.
Chris and Alyssa come into the square leading a group that has at least tripled in size since they left the store.
CHRIS: We’ve brought reinforcements!
TUCKER: That’s great! Things have been going really well while you’ve been gone. Almost everyone who was here for the ceremony has signed the petition, and we’ve gotten quite a crowd since. Some people have been hesitant to sign, but they couldn’t stand up to the dizzying power of Republican intellect or the awesome force of Reagan inspired public speaking!
ALYSSA: So how many signatures do we have?
TUCKER: I’d say about… twenty-eight-hundred so far.
ALYSSA: That’s amazing! Great work, Tucker!
CHRIS: Alright, friends, I’d say this has been a job well done for the Young Republicans. Now we need to get these signatures and our research into the hands of the Mayor’s office, and see that they’re put to good use!
The scene fades out, then fades back in several days later. A large crowd is once again gathered in the square before the absolutely massive Christmas tree. This time, Chris, Tucker, and Alyssa are at the front of the crowd behind the podium as the grand marshal address the crowd.
MARSHAL: Fellow citizens, without the efforts of these fine kids, this night may never have happened, and so I think it’s only fair that the honor of lighting this year’s Christmas tree goes to the Young Republicans! Get ready… 5… 4…
The crowd picks up the count down, shouting out “3…2…1! As the countdown finishes, Alyssa, Chris, and Tucker each lay a hand on the switch and flip it proudly, lighting up the amazingly beautiful tree to the delight of all those in attendance.
EVERYONE: MERRY CHRISTMAS!
HOW THE YOUNG REPUBLICANS SAVED CHRISTMAS
A merry group of revelers gathered around the enormous tree, decked out in all its Christmas splendor. The crowd was happy, excited, anxious for the tree lighting ceremony to begin. Amidst this crowd were Tucker Matthews, Chris Carlson, and Alyssa Griffin, the President, Vice President, and Treasurer respectively of the Harmon University Young Republicans, and off all the spectators gathered, they were clearly the most excited. They each have a large Starbucks coffee cup in their hands and are dressed for the cold.
TUCKER: Gosh, I love Christmas. It’s my second favorite time of the year.
CHRIS: That’s right, right after Reagan’s birthday!
ALYSSA: Amen.
TUCKER: So, what’s everybody drinking? I’ve got a peppermint mocha.
CHRIS: Eggnog latte for me.
ALYSSA: I’m trying the gingerbread latte.
ALL: That sounds good, I’d like to try that.
The three exchange beverages and each takes a sip before returning the drink to its rightful owner.
TUCKER: Mmm, tasty.
ALYSSA: Very nice.
CHRIS: Yeah, good stuff.
The three share a look for a few seconds, then eagerly exchange beverages, each drinking happily.
CHRIS: I can’t wait till they light the tree, nothing gets the Christmas spirit going like a good old fashioned tree lighting.
TUCKER: Thank goodness Congress was smart enough to make the celebration of the birth of our Lord a national holiday 136 years ago.
ALYSSA: Hallelujah
CHRIS: Hey, look, someone’s coming!
A man in a drab grey business suit with a heavy brown overcoat walks up to the podium. After a few words with the man, the ceremony leader unhappily steps aside and the suit takes the podium.
SUIT: Ladies and gentlemen, I regret to inform you that this ceremony will not be allowed to continue. It has been decided that the Christmas tree is a Christian religious symbol, and as such is inappropriate for this public ground in light of the separation of Church and State. I am sorry for the inconvenience, please have a good night.
ALL: THOSE D**NED DIRTY LIBERALS!!!
CHRIS: Something needs to be done… This looks like a job for…
ALL: THE YOUNG REPUBLICANS!
ALYSSA: How could anyone be so cruel as to deprive good wholesome Americans of their Christmas trees?
TUCKER: Don’t you worry, Alyssa, we’ll get to the bottom of this, and as sure as Ronald Reagan was the greatest President in the history of the greatest country in the history of the world, by God, we will make it right!
CHRIS: Alright, our first order of business has to be to find out what commie pinko Godless neo-Nazi zoog dweeby leftist anti-American anti-papist terrorists are responsible for this.
ALYSSA: Right then we’ll need to find out their motives and the legal references and precedents they used to make this travesty possible.
TUCKER: Hmmm…. I think we should split up.
ALLYSSA: Right, I’ll go to the local library and start doing research on the legitimacy of this silly claim and try and find some legal precedence to support us. Luckily the Library is open late ever since its budget was increased by the no child left behind act.
CHRIS: You mean other than the last three quarters of a century of tree lighting ceremonies in Hartford.
They all chuckle a bit at this.
CHRIS: I’ll go look into this group and ask around at the mayor’s office.
TUCKER: Great, for now I’ll stay here and start a petition and if necessary, I’ll call my dad, he has plenty of friends in Washington who would love to help defend Christmas.
CHRIS: Alright, break!
Chris and Alyssa head off in separate directions, and Tucker strides towards the center of the crowd.
TUCKER: Ladies and gentlemen, if I could please have your attention! What we have all witnessed here tonight is a travesty and a tragedy, a true affront not just to the holiest of all holidays, but to America! This great land was formed on Christian beliefs and Christian customs, and for nearly a century and a half, Christmas has been an officially recognized national holiday. To see it disgraced like this is uncalled for, un-American, and something we proud citizens cannot allow! We must take immediate action. Now…
Tucker reaches into his jacket pocket and produces a notepad and pen.
TUCKER: Here and now, the first step we must take is to start a petition, so that we can show the powers that be that the citizens of this great city will not stand for such heinous actions against our traditions! Please, I ask all of you to form a line and sign this form, and together we will make this right!
Tucker quickly writes a few words onto his notepad as the crowd enthusiastically forms up, he hands that pad and pen over to the first man to approach him and oversees the proceedings proudly as person after person happily signs on.
The scene cuts to the inside of a seven eleven. Alyssa comes in and spots Chris in line with two cups of coffee. She waves and Chris smiles and nods back.
CHRIS: Funny running into you here.
ALYSSA: Yeah, I got done with my research a lot quicker than I’d expected too. I remembered that my cousin Steve wrote his master’s thesis on the relationship between the American government and Christian values. When I explained the situation to him he couldn’t fax me a copy fast enough. I figured Tucker would still be at the commons so I was gonna bring him some coffee. Unfortunately, Starbucks was closed.
CHRIS: Same here, except rather than an expert cousin I just had an easy topic. These guys are a bunch of wacky liberal moon-bats. They’ve got a long track record of filing frivolous lawsuits and complaints against local businesses. I took some notes, I’m not the legal expert, but I think we could make a class action suit.
While they were talking Alyssa got her own coffee and stepped into line with Chris. A moment later, Chris paid for the coffee and took his change.
CHRIS AND ALYSSA: Merry Christmas!
CLERK: Happy Holidays.
CHRIS: Excuse me?
CLERK: I said Happy Holidays.
ALYSSA We distinctly said Merry Christmas.
CLERK: and I said happy Holidays.
CHRIS: That’s not how it works, I said Merry Christmas, you have to say Merry Christmas back. When my Jewish friends say “Happy Chanukah” I say “Happy Chanukah and a Merry Christmas” to him. That’s how the etiquette of this works regardless of what you believe.
CLERK: Look I’m sorry but its company policy to say “Happy Holidays”.
ALYSSA: Excuse me, are you an atheist?
CLERK: No.
ALYSSA: Do you believe that the Lord Jesus Christ died for your sins?
CLERK:…..
CHRIS: It’s a simple question, sir.
The next man in line gets somewhat irate.
MAN: Hey, some of us are trying to buy stuff here!
NEXT MAN: Actually I think the kid’s got a point I’m tired of this “Happy Holidays” bull****. I’ve celebrated Christmas all my life and the last few years everywhere I look everything has to be generic now. This country was founded by Christians and we’re still the majority!
The rest of the line now starts to speak up with things getting more and more heated on each side.
CLERK: Alright, yes, I do.
CHRIS: So “company policy” matters to you more than that. You can’t honor him by wishing me the same when I tell you I want you to have peace and joy on the anniversary of the birth of our savior.
The clerk looks at them somewhat dumbfounded he also looks somewhat ill at ease at the argument taking place in the check-out line.
ALYSSA: It’s two little words.
CLERK: *sigh* Merry Christmas.
CHRIS: Excuse me those of you who agree with me, I regret to inform you that our city government has bowed to the wishes of a radical anti-papist group and cancelled this year’s Christmas tree lighting in the town square. We’re going to meet our friend there who’s started a petition to reverse this abomination.
Most of the patrons set their potential purchases on the counter and follow the Young Republicans out. The scene cuts to Tucker in the town square. He is shaking hands with a “long haired hippie” type.
HIPPIE: I normally couldn’t be in greater disagreement with you guys but these nutjobs have gone too far.
TUCKER: Thank you for your support.
Chris and Alyssa come into the square leading a group that has at least tripled in size since they left the store.
CHRIS: We’ve brought reinforcements!
TUCKER: That’s great! Things have been going really well while you’ve been gone. Almost everyone who was here for the ceremony has signed the petition, and we’ve gotten quite a crowd since. Some people have been hesitant to sign, but they couldn’t stand up to the dizzying power of Republican intellect or the awesome force of Reagan inspired public speaking!
ALYSSA: So how many signatures do we have?
TUCKER: I’d say about… twenty-eight-hundred so far.
ALYSSA: That’s amazing! Great work, Tucker!
CHRIS: Alright, friends, I’d say this has been a job well done for the Young Republicans. Now we need to get these signatures and our research into the hands of the Mayor’s office, and see that they’re put to good use!
The scene fades out, then fades back in several days later. A large crowd is once again gathered in the square before the absolutely massive Christmas tree. This time, Chris, Tucker, and Alyssa are at the front of the crowd behind the podium as the grand marshal address the crowd.
MARSHAL: Fellow citizens, without the efforts of these fine kids, this night may never have happened, and so I think it’s only fair that the honor of lighting this year’s Christmas tree goes to the Young Republicans! Get ready… 5… 4…
The crowd picks up the count down, shouting out “3…2…1! As the countdown finishes, Alyssa, Chris, and Tucker each lay a hand on the switch and flip it proudly, lighting up the amazingly beautiful tree to the delight of all those in attendance.
EVERYONE: MERRY CHRISTMAS!
