Post by The Mighty Mjaeder! on Nov 29, 2010 9:37:19 GMT -5
As the Sloshman strumbled (you like that shit? Half strut, half stumbled. I just made it up. Totally tit, right? Right!?) down the streets of Japan, the gawks and stares he received from the pedestrians gave him no pauses. The dude was rich, famous, and an American, baby. Plus, he’s totally a world champion wrestler, and Japs love the shit out of wrestling, so basically he’s a total superhero and shit here… The fact that Slosh was currently somewhere in the neighborhood of 8 feet tall also didn’t penetrate our hapless hero’s battered brain, either. These Jap dudes were just Hella short…
The Sloshman shook his head as he headed… wherever the f*ck he was headed. He was starting to come down, but it must have been one hell of a party, he was sore all over... He almost thought he remembered that little dude with the shiner having like, wings and a tail and shit… Man, he must have been really wasted… Maybe his buddy Bake convinced him to partake of an herbal stimulant, lol (yes, Slosh did just think “lol”) or he ate the wrong brownies or whatever…
Something penetrated the Sloshman’s saturated thoughts, and as it would happen, it was his own bitching image(What, is he becoming Thorn or something? God, I hope not. One of that asshole is enough…) He was passing an electronics store, and his ruggedly handsome face was on the TV screens. They must be showing some show about wrestling or something…
But as Slosh stopped to check that shit out, he was surprised to find not a wrestling show, but the news. And it wasn’t even an article about the totally boss Sloshweiser brewing label… As the (thankfully English language) news lady did her voice over deal, Slosh watched footage of himself battling impossible monsters throughout the streets of Tokyo.
“The latest addition to the monstrous menagerie flooding the streets of Tokyo,” The news lady continued. Slosh bet she was hot as shit…. “surprisingly bares a striking resemblance, in appearance, attitude, and fighting style, to former wrestling champion ‘Slosh’”
‘What the f*ck does she mean, former!?’ Slosh mused, ‘I never lost that shit! … Wait a minute…’
Wait for it…
Wait for it…
Aaaaannnndddd… There it is! Slosh just realized he was in fact a giant battling monsters(and inconsequentially destroying large sections of Tokyo in the processes).
“HOLY F*CKING SHIT!” Slosh exclaimed, “I’M A F*CKING SUPERHERO! …And I don’t even need a mech to do that shit, unlike that chode Thorn!”
Suck it, Thorn…
Slosh leaned in closer to watch more of his epic badassery.
“Apparently,” no doubt super hot news baby continued, “not all of the monstrous denizens of Tokyo are pleased with this new arrival, as this amateur footage captured by a local citizen demonstrates.”
The news footage caught to a shake cell phone video of SMF Pterodactyl after the battle. The creature shakily took wing and flew off, unleashing a spew of epitaphs in the process, “$&%^ing Slosh! I’d have had the @#(* crown if not for him! What was he doing, anyway?! Drunk &#*$! Why the $*#@ do I have to suffer ’cause he can’t hold his liquor!?”
Oh, he did not just say that…
TELL ME he did NOT just say that! (Thanks, Booker T)
Slosh stood, rage bubbling to the surface of his bruised face.
“…WHAT THE F*CK DO YOU THINK YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT YOU STUPID F*CKING F*CK! CAN’T HOLD MY F*CKING LIQUOR!? IT IS F*CKING ON, MOTHERF*CKER! YOU THINK YOU CAN F*CK WITH ME JUST BECAUSE YOU’RE SOME GIANT F*CKING BIRD OR WHATEVER THE F*CK YOU ARE!? I WILL F*CKING OWN YOUR BIRD ASS! BITCH, THIS SHIT… IS… ON!”
Slosh stormbled (…nah, it’s no strumble…) off, searching for the nearest liquor store and/or his factory. He was going to drink the SMF Pterodactyl under the table, by God, no matter if it took all the sake in Japan… It was time to train, and train hard…
The Sloshman shook his head as he headed… wherever the f*ck he was headed. He was starting to come down, but it must have been one hell of a party, he was sore all over... He almost thought he remembered that little dude with the shiner having like, wings and a tail and shit… Man, he must have been really wasted… Maybe his buddy Bake convinced him to partake of an herbal stimulant, lol (yes, Slosh did just think “lol”) or he ate the wrong brownies or whatever…
Something penetrated the Sloshman’s saturated thoughts, and as it would happen, it was his own bitching image(What, is he becoming Thorn or something? God, I hope not. One of that asshole is enough…) He was passing an electronics store, and his ruggedly handsome face was on the TV screens. They must be showing some show about wrestling or something…
But as Slosh stopped to check that shit out, he was surprised to find not a wrestling show, but the news. And it wasn’t even an article about the totally boss Sloshweiser brewing label… As the (thankfully English language) news lady did her voice over deal, Slosh watched footage of himself battling impossible monsters throughout the streets of Tokyo.
“The latest addition to the monstrous menagerie flooding the streets of Tokyo,” The news lady continued. Slosh bet she was hot as shit…. “surprisingly bares a striking resemblance, in appearance, attitude, and fighting style, to former wrestling champion ‘Slosh’”
‘What the f*ck does she mean, former!?’ Slosh mused, ‘I never lost that shit! … Wait a minute…’
Wait for it…
Wait for it…
Aaaaannnndddd… There it is! Slosh just realized he was in fact a giant battling monsters(and inconsequentially destroying large sections of Tokyo in the processes).
“HOLY F*CKING SHIT!” Slosh exclaimed, “I’M A F*CKING SUPERHERO! …And I don’t even need a mech to do that shit, unlike that chode Thorn!”
Suck it, Thorn…
Slosh leaned in closer to watch more of his epic badassery.
“Apparently,” no doubt super hot news baby continued, “not all of the monstrous denizens of Tokyo are pleased with this new arrival, as this amateur footage captured by a local citizen demonstrates.”
The news footage caught to a shake cell phone video of SMF Pterodactyl after the battle. The creature shakily took wing and flew off, unleashing a spew of epitaphs in the process, “$&%^ing Slosh! I’d have had the @#(* crown if not for him! What was he doing, anyway?! Drunk &#*$! Why the $*#@ do I have to suffer ’cause he can’t hold his liquor!?”
Oh, he did not just say that…
TELL ME he did NOT just say that! (Thanks, Booker T)
Slosh stood, rage bubbling to the surface of his bruised face.
“…WHAT THE F*CK DO YOU THINK YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT YOU STUPID F*CKING F*CK! CAN’T HOLD MY F*CKING LIQUOR!? IT IS F*CKING ON, MOTHERF*CKER! YOU THINK YOU CAN F*CK WITH ME JUST BECAUSE YOU’RE SOME GIANT F*CKING BIRD OR WHATEVER THE F*CK YOU ARE!? I WILL F*CKING OWN YOUR BIRD ASS! BITCH, THIS SHIT… IS… ON!”
Slosh stormbled (…nah, it’s no strumble…) off, searching for the nearest liquor store and/or his factory. He was going to drink the SMF Pterodactyl under the table, by God, no matter if it took all the sake in Japan… It was time to train, and train hard…
