“Where are you now, Moose?” Dr. Evil asks, radioing from his mysterious laboratory.
“I should be near the target,” the monstrous cocoa creature replies into his super large Walkie-Talkie. As he rounds around the corner of a city block, he notices a long blue tail dragging across the street. “Scratch that. I just found him.”
“Good!” the devilish doctor gleefully shouts. “Now take him out! We have plans in the future that need to happen for the world to belong to me. We can't afford to let every morally upright mammoth stick their tentacles into everything we do. If he's alone, jump him, and squash him into the ground!”
“Yes, sir!”
“Make him regret ever cross us!”
“With pleasure!”
Chocolate Moose sprints forward, diagonally crossing the intersection, and grabs the giant blue dragon, Fred, by his tail and back leg with his massive rack of antlers. Fred shouts back at the ambush in confusion and shock, but, his reaction is too slow, as he is lifted up and shoveled into a nearby Crystal Caste factory. He howls in pain as he lands on all of those d4's. Somewhere in Tokyo, Mantaur is calculating the damage according to how the dice fell.
“That's for interfering in Dr. Red's plans!” shouts Chocolate Moose.
The wreckage begins to move, pushing a wave of bouncing d20's into the streets. Fred is in pain, but struggles on. Soon, with a flick of energy, the dice stop moving and begin to melt in place.
“I don't plan to interfere,” the honorable Fred replies. “I plan to stop you and your evil doctor's insidious plans.”
“Your mistake!” Moose shrieks, as he charges through the puddles of melting plastic, continuing his attack.
“My mistake?” Fred confidently questions, looking down at Moose's chocolate feet march across the molten, bubbling, pools of glittery plastic. “I'm not the one who's falling apart, already...”
Chocolate Moose screams, slightly embarrassed at his misstep, but continues to trudge through. He hits the wounded Fred again with this antlers and tosses through the wreckage into the street. Fred rolls but lands on his feet, strike back with a heavy tail whip and sends Moose staggering back.
“I bet that didn't taste so... sweet,” Fred laughs.
“Actually,” Chocolate Moose replies, licking his lips and teeth. “It kinda' did.”
Moose runs in there and drops some seriously sweet elbows and knees followed by some hard-hitting lefts and rights, remembering his training days with “Sugar” Rashad Evans. Fred tries to evade or block the attacks, but the smaller monster acts a little more agile.
“Stop being such a !@#$'ing !@#$% and drink that thing!” a foul mouth dinosaur yells over the commotion of the battle. “Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!”
A block away, are the foul-mouthed party rivals, SMF Pterodactyl and Super Slosh, starting their drinking competition early.
“Your mother chugs!” the radioactive drunk burbs back, crushing the giant empty beer on his forehead.
“My !@#$'ing race doesn't reproduce like that,” SMF blurts back, alcohol slurring his speech. “We don't have !@#$'ing mothers!”
“I !@#$'ed your mother!”
Pterodactyl spits out his drink and drunkenly clubs Slosh with his bottle. “!@#$ you, you !@#$'ing !@#$ !@#$ !!!”
“That's one point for me, you stupid !@#$!” Slosh declares rubbing his inebriated skull.
“Fine, whatever, you smack-talking cheater !@#$,” SMF replies. “Spelling Bee is round 2!”
Through the distraction, Fred takes control of the fight. He slams his horns against Moose, softening up the already soggy chocolate flesh. Moose looks to be losing his stamina.
“Get your head into the game!” Dr Red screams, watching his monsters get beat up.
Revitalized, but still melting, Moose lowers his head, gores the dragon and gives him a back-suplex into a Chessex distribution warehouse. The second drop into a giant mound of dice is too much for any living thing, man or dragon. Fred is knocked out.
“Good work my monstrous moose!” Dr Red maniacally cheers. “I knew you were the guy to do the job!”
“You can count on me,” replies a chocolate puddle, with a single solid hand reaching out of it. It gives a thumbs up.
“What about you, Wombat of Doom?” asks Dr. Red, spinning his office chair to a different monitor.
“Good. Good,” Red replies, to his lackey's silent report. “I believe that makes us 2-0 so far! ...Can't get much better than perfect! All we need is SMF Pterodactyl to drink Super Suck under the table! How's that going by the way, SMF?”
“...C-K,” SMF pronouces, as Dr. Red comes into the conversation half-way through. “That's how you spell !@#$”
“What the bleep are you guys doing?” Dr. Red asks. “I thought it was just a drinking contest.”
“I ain't letting this jerkhole get off easy,” SMF replies. “He won the first round, the drinking contest, but now we are on the spelling bee.”
“O... kay...”
“Alright, Slosh, you're word is !@#$#@$@#,” Pterodactyl states, turning his attention back on to his opponent. “Spell that, bitch!”
“Errr, okay,” the drunkard stutters. “Exclamation mark – At Symbol – Pound Sign – Stop Sign...”
“ERRRR! Wrong!” SMF shouts, interrupting Slosh. “I win Round 2!”
“You're a god-damn !#@$'ing cheater, is what you are!” proclaims Super Slosh. Too bad he's too drunk to confidently argue his counter-case. “!@#$ it. Round three, let's friggin' do this. What is it?”
“I don't know,” SMF moans. “I am too drunk to fly, let alone think...”
They look over to a giant jumbo-tron flashing over the shopping district displaying the newest baseball video-game.
“Home run !@#$'ing Derby!” Super Slosh shouts, grabbing his loyal Singapore cane and instantly swings for the fences. SMF is clobbered cleanly against his head, and goes night-night.
“2-1. So close,” Dr. Red sighs. “Not that Super Slosh is someone I really need to take out of the picture. He does more harm than good, without my word, just fine.”
Slosh stumbles away, padding himself on the back for a job well done.
“Welcome, citizens of Tokyo,” Chef MC, cooking channel personality, opens, screaming into his microphone. “To the very first, and hopefully last, Rebuild Tokyo Tower Cook-Off Spectacular!!!”
The audience and row of judges, maybe a combined crowd of twenty people, cheer and clap.
“Introducing first, Brian Thorn and, his friends, The Rangers!!!”
The Rangers cheer for their introduction, mostly because they were claimed to be the great protector's friends. Thorn stares over towards their direction and has expresses other thoughts.
“They brought a culinary piece of art to showcase tonight,” Chef MC continues. “A gingerbread replica of Brian Thorn's attractive head!!”
The audience respectfully cheers and claps at the three-dimensional cookie construction.
“Not introducing, giant Squirrel beast, Ekhornkin, and his pal, Mantaur! They have brought a delicious looking pecan pie. And, must I say, it looks scrumptious!”
Mantaur and the monolith Ekhornin cheer and shriek as their perfect pie is looked over by the judges. They take a slice, a bit of the gingerbread, and write down their scores and notes. After a bit, they come to a conclusion.
“The judges have let me know that they have come to a decision,” Chef MC announces. “And it's a tie! Team Ekhornkin's pecan pie was to die-for, while Team Thorn's gingerbread did not taste as good as it appears. Yet, the time and effort put into such a geometric structure merits the extra points. It's a dead-heat tie!”
The crowd hushes in confusion and shock, leaving Thorn to stare at his idiotic team in disgust, who were in charge of baking the mass amount of gingerbread for Thorn's expert plans.
“We can't leave this as a tie,” Chef MC screams. “We need a tie-breaker!!!”
www.youtube.com/watch?v=xpnMDZrVChA“Just like Mama!” Chef MC shouts. “Team Thorn wins in overtime!!!”
Ekhornkin stands their with a pair of Wii controllers in his hands, with a look of utter disappointment and anger. Mantaur cries in nerdy shame.
“Damn your not-really-opposable thumbs, Ekhornkin!” the nerd cries. “Damn you!”
"I see you," came the rather ghastly, though booming, words from Fearzilla's mouth as he closed in on his prey.
Mebbles had been patrolling through Tokyo when he first caught glimpse of the behemoth Colbereagankonen, also known as Fearzilla. It was as if the monstrosity could sense Mebbles very location, but it had occurred to the alien dragon that perhaps it could sense the crown.
"How iz he doing dat?" Mebbles asked as he dodged down a Tokyo street.
"Truthiness!" Fearzilla exclaimed. "You can't hide from me, now hand over the beacon!"
"Nevers!"
Perhaps Mebbles spoke too soon. Somehow he'd taken a wrong turn and was trapped in a dead end. The dragon blinked as the only way out was past Fearzilla, who now had him cornered with a devious grin.
Pressed up against the wall Mebbles watched as Fearzilla, who loomed over him, slowly reached out his hand towards the crown, as if to snatch it up. Apparently having enough of this running (flying) business, Mebbles spat a goopy substance into Fearzilla's face.
"My eyes!" the monster shouted as Mebbles snuck past him and started flying away. Quickly he started wiping the goop away from his eyes and searched for his opponent. "I'll show you what I do to illegal aliens who have the audacity to spit in the face of America!"
Mebbles had no idea what the giant human was talking about, but it didn't sound very friendly. Seeing a chance Mebbles charged in, hoping to smash Fearzilla square on the chin and knock him out cold, but Fearzilla managed to swat the dragon into the building.
However, seemingly possessed by a need to own the precious crown, Fearzilla stopped his attack on his opponent and once again tried to snatch it. Mebbles wasn't nearly out of this fight yet, though, and used his sleeping breath attack on Fearzilla.
The giant republican snickered at the feeble attack, but then realized he had no control over his hand. It was completely numb! He couldn't grasp the crown and the dragon snatched it, determined to fly away and find another angle to attack from.
What he didn't count on, though, was the ferociousness of an angered American. Fearzilla's hand may have been asleep, but taking a big step he smashed his other foot square onto the orange dragon, sending him flying, though not under his own power.
Fearzilla smirked as Mebbles soared through two buildings and over the beam connecting the two of them. "American football," he said, raising an eyebrow "everything else is just soccer."
Mebbles finally crash landed and rolled into a bit of a park. People ran and screamed, scattering as Fearzilla slowly made his approach. Mebbles looked up and shook his head, hoping to get his eyes back into focus.
"Owwz," the dragon sighed as he managed to hover off the ground, though there was a stutter in his flight. Suddenly a gigantic fist hurled it's way towards him. "Yeep!"
Mebbles managed to lunge to one side and avoid the crushing blow, and hurled himself under the chin of his opponent, forcing Fearzilla staggering back. The blow seemed to damage Mebbles as well, as he still hadn't quite recovered from the kick.
Both squared off and looked to charge, but Fearzilla just stared his opponent down. His eyes concentrated and he fired a fear beam at his opponent, and instantly Mebbles was taken over by it. The poor dragon was terribly afraid.
"Yaaaaaahhhhhh!"
Without warning it flew away from Fearzilla as fast as it could.
"No, wait!"
Quickly Fearzilla reached down and grabbed a car, launching it at the speeding dragon as fast as he could. It smashed into the poor creature and both of them hit the ground again. When Fearzilla caught up to them he noticed the make and model of the car, a Toyota.
"Well, one good thing about foreign cars," Fearzilla started, but then let out a laugh. "Who am I kidding? Buy American!"
Mebbles tried to get away, but the suited behemoth stomped down on him numerous times, trying desperately to squash the poor creature. When he was certain Mebbles was unconscious he kicked one last time, and then started for the ground.
"Mine," he said as he reached, "my own-"
Suddenly a barrage of missiles exploded into the chest of Fearzilla, forcing the evil(?) giant away from the crown. Brian Thorn flew into the giant at ramming speed, driving him back with precision. Fearzilla clutched his chest, it burned from the searing shrapnel embedded into his skin.
"You should back away, Zilla," Thorn's voice boomed.
"Curses!" Fearzilla shook his fist as he yelled. "I will crush you like the insignificant bug you are!"
"Go for it, big guy," Thorn said with a smirk. With a whir of electrical and mechanical parts, a new missile turret moved it's payload into position. This missile was massive and pointed directly at Fearzilla. The words "Zilla Killa" were painted on the side.
Fearzilla knew nothing of this new weapon, but his decision to tactically retreat was made even easier when he noticed that Mebbles, nor the crown, were where he'd left them. "You let him get away," he shouted at Thorn, "and for that you'll pay!"
Once the giant was out of view Thorn turned and sped off. His tracking system hadn't lost the dragon yet and he knew he had to catch him. Luckily Mebbles was wounded and Thorn easily caught up to him, flying in front of him to speak.
"Bravely fought, Mebbles."
"Uhm, thanks?" The dragon tried to leave but Thorn flew into his line of sight again. "Is dis a fight?" Mebbles asked. "Cuz dis aint fair."
"This isn't a fight," Thorn eased the tone in his voice. "I come to take the burden of the crown from you."
"Huh?"
"Look, Mebbles, Fearzilla would have annihilated you if it weren't for me. This device, this creation of Dr. Red, is obviously a very powerful item and cannot fall into the wrong hands. It needs a protector, someone strong enough to fend off even the deadliest of foes."
"I can do it," Mebbles demanded, despite the pain he was feeling all over.
"Clearly," Thorn said under his breath, though loud enough for the dragon to hear. "Had I not intervened Fearzilla would have claimed it for himself, and who knows what crazed plan he had in store. You're not as powerful as I am, even when you're at full strength. As I said we cannot allow the crown to fall into the wrong hands."
"And who sez your hands is the right ones?" Mebbles was obviously upset by Thorn's choice of words. What right does this human have to tell him he can't defend the crown from evil? He could do it!
"Ugh," Thorn sighed. "I don't want to take it via force, Mebbles, but I will if you make me."
"I isn't makin you," Mebbles retorted, "but if it's a fight you want den its a fight you get."
Thorn shook his head as Mebbles puffed himself up, ready to defend the crown. Suddenly they both heard a voice from the distance. "Don't hurt him!" the voice cried.
Both turned to see they weren't far from a crowd that had formed, and that crowd didn't want to see Thorn take advantage of a weakened Mebbles. It wasn't a fair fight, and Thorn knew he couldn't lose the support of the people.
"Consider my offer," Thorn said to the dragon, "before our paths are forced to cross again." With that Thorn blasted away and, after regrouping, Mebbles made his escape.
